I mean, that is basically what Joe Biden said isn’t it? It’s the “patriotic” thing to do, remember? He said that about paying taxes back in 2008 when he and Mr. Obama were running to fundamentally transform America. 1 So to be good patriots, I’m assuming we’re all not only paying our fair share but we’re all going the extra mile this year and paying double what we owe to the federal government. Right?
Well, I don’t expect everyone to be patriotic. I certainly don’t expect those Tea Partiers or Republicans or anybody else who didn’t see the wisdom in voting for the Obama-Biden ticket to pay double, or even to pay just a little bit more. Besides, those people are all just racists anyway. I mean, they call Obama bad names like “socialist” so they must be racist, right?
But I am confident that all patriotic Democrats can stand up and proudly say that this year they will be paying… What? What’s that you say? You’re a Democrat and you don’t want to pay double either? But what about what Joe Biden said? I mean, you do agree with your own Vice-President, don’t you? You know, that it’s the patriotic thing to do? Ok, well, how about just 30% more? No? 25% more? 10% more? All right, well forget you guys then.
Ok, Liberal Democrats! Here we go! All right, all you Liberal Democrats out there! You guys are the heart and soul of the Democratic Party. The party faithful! Surely, you’d be willing to pony up at least… What? Not even you guys? I mean, c’mon, you guys are liberals! Don’t you practice what you preach? What about government being able to solve all our problems? Help the needy and all that good stuff. C’mon, they’re here to help us and they need your money. The government needs your money! I mean c’mon guys, you’re supposed to be liberals! C’mon! All right, forget you too!
"We're from the government and we're here to help."
Ok, ok. Progressive Democrats! Surely, I can count on you guys! I mean, it is called the Progressive income tax! I mean, this is your baby! Now, I just know that you guys will … What? Not even you? Obama’s your guy! He’s a Progressive! You know, spread the wealth and all that! I just can’t believe…
Wait a minute…
Wait, a news bulletin: The news is reporting on who pays taxes in America. What? Over 50% of all Americans don’t even pay federal income tax! What? That can’t be! Well, those definitely wouldn’t be Obama supporters, I know that! Because that would be like saying they don’t support what he’s doing with all his big government programs and such. That wouldn’t be patriotic! And that would be hypocrisy. No, I can’t believe that. I won’t believe that, even if it’s true. Ok, but let’s say it is true that over half of all Americans don’t even pay federal income tax. Let’s think about this for a minute. So you’re saying we now have a majority of Americans who can vote for policies that they don’t have to pay for, but that a minority of Americans do have to pay for? Let’s see, is that a good thing for a democracy? Huh. I’m gonna have to think about that one a little more and get back to you.
Ok, what about just Democratic members of Congress? Surely, you guys must pay more than your fair share. I mean you vote for this stuff, so you 
definitely… I mean just to set an example… wait a minute, who am I kidding? Ok, ok, just Joe Biden then. Joe, you’re the one who said paying taxes makes you a patriot, so you must pay way more than… What? Not even you, Joe? But Joe, these were your own words! Joe! Joe! Say it ain’t so, Joe!
Wow! Oh well. And here I thought we were a nation of patriots. I guess not. I guess we’re all just a bunch of unpatriotic, racist, extremist, tea-bagging traitors. And if you disagree with me, then you must be one too.
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Footnotes:
Fn. 1: For Biden’s statement:
http://blogs.wsj.com/washwire/2008/09/18/biden-on-tax-increase-for-wealthier-citizens-time-to-be-patriotic/tab/article/
being an old hippie chick herself. You know, Haight-Ashbury and all that. For the hippies of the 1960s, and for those who are still living that dream (most of whom are still in San Francisco), that was the way to go. It was the cool thing to drop out, smoke weed, get high and take up the bongos or guitar; then go hang out at Woodstock or somewhere and protest the war or whatever was the latest thing going around on campus (besides herpes.)
But of course back then things were a little different. Back then you had those good old capitalist pigs Mom and Dad to take care of things for you. You see, in the 1960s your parents still made their money the old fashioned way: they earned it. But today, the hippies are Mom and Dad. And with Big Nanny Nancy in charge, they’re also running the country. And guess what, they make their money the old fashioned way too: by taxing the American citizens (or at least those who still work for a living.) That’s how the new healthcare law works! Ain’t socialism just grand!
Culture Crusader 